Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Radar, Sonar, Spidar

It's 8am and I'm up, though as usual not awake. I don't know why I am up this early, after my traumatic event at 12:30am. Yup, another adrenalin rush kept me awake until about 2. I was watching one of a myriad re-runs of NCIS while writing a grocery list, mellowing out before going to sleep. Turning out the light in the bathroom, I turned to walk back out of that room and my brain sent a "WHOA, WHAT WAS THAT!" message to my eyes. I turned, sloooowly, my eyes are slitty, and there, at the edge of the window blind, was a great, big, hairy, snapping, snarling, growling, foot-stomping spider. I am careful not to make eye contact.

Moving slowly so as not to alarm it, I step into the bedroom for a weapon. Spying my Holey shoes, I grasp one firmly in my right hand, and walk back into the bathroom. Calculating trajectories and elevations, I decide that my best bet would be to aim high. I knew if I swing and miss, and she got away, I would be up all night, waiting for her counter-attack. And, yes, for one, short, nano-second, I even considered grabbing my camera to take a photo for my blog. Needless to say, I gave myself a mental slap and discarded that idea promptly. I mean, who wants a photo like that to haunt them.

Back to my maneuvers. I get as close to it as I can handle, then, drawing back my hand I aim and...WHAP! I smack her as hard as one can with a rubber shoe. And she falls to the floor, between the wall and the table. But she is only stunned and is gathering her feet under her to make a run at me. My heart is pumping as adrenalin rushes through my veins. I quickly bend down and WHACK, SMACK, WHAP, WHAP, WHAP, WHAP. Then WHACK once more for good luck. She is vanquished! I pick her remains up with toilet paper and into the garbage she goes. She was a big one, about three inches across, leg tip to leg tip.

I am wide awake now, jittery. My eyes roam around the room, ceiling, corners, under the desk, behind the chair, all the while looking for more creatures. Finally I turn out the light, but lay there, twitching at the thought of the beady little eyes that might be watching me in the dark. God, gotta quit watching those science shows on the Discovery Channel! I dose off.

It's morning now, and the dogs have been out on this cold, dreary day. Richard wishes me a cheery Happy Birthday and I mumble my thanks on my way to make my morning cuppa cappuccino. I shuffle back to my bed to catch the news of the day. Hurricane Gustav basically over; American Newscasters proclaiming shock at the news that Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter is pregnant - oh please, who cares?! Let's have some important news, not gossip. Canadian Election probably called by the weekend, stupid politicians. Time to check out what Anna Olsen is baking today...oh, Plum Claflouti! That looks delectable!

Eyes are open and focusing now; I regale Richard with tales of my midnight spider fight. He snickers "you know what will happen now don't you? All it's relatives will show up for the funeral." Oh ha ha, aren't you funny. That's a picture I don't need in my head.

Kate texts me birthday greetings. Great way to start the day. Then Mom and Dad phone with birthday wishes and we chat a bit. Dad chuckles at how well the Rhubarb root is doing that he sent me. It now has 7 leaves and one more just poking through the ground.

Richard leaves for work and I putter in the yard potting up more of those plants I bought while the dogs laze in the scattered sunshine. I am enjoying the peace and quiet and when I do finally go inside, I realize that 2 hours have passed without my notice. Kelly calls for my Birthday and we have a great chat, discussing our usual: TV shows and politics. Then a call from nephew Eric; we of course talk computers.

Soon the phone rings again and it is my little Tomato Blossom, Rylan, singing Happy Birthday to Grandma. She is full of stories about being at Aunt Kate's farm and at the Saanich Fair yesterday and that if all the kids on the block are all real good and all eat up their dinners then they will all get an ice cream cone made with homemade ice cream. Her mom and dad tell me that it was Rylan's idea to sing to me.

At 8pm a call from Judy, who lives in Regina. Judy and I grew up together along with our friend Lea. Our friendship goes back 46 years. It's been about a year since we talked last so we have a lot to catch up on and have a great time doing it. She is well, enjoying her retirement so far, and maybe they will come for a visit next year. That would be super!

Time to wind down after the excitement of my phone calls. I putter, do dishes, tidy kitchen, dry laundry, plan my schedule for tomorrow. You know me and my schedules. I want to have those grilled hamburgers finally and bake some bread too. I think about Judy and what a gourmet cook she is. I wonder if she bakes bread. Must remember to ask her.

I check the bathroom for bereaved spider family members and find none...so far.

I'm not expecting any tonight. But...

...still, better to keep a watchful eye.

And keep my spidar tuned up.

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